Shola

Why do you have a Twitter again?

I’m gonna try this whole typing like a normal human being for this week’s blog to see what it’s like on the other side. I’m only two sentences in and I already feel like a dead beat father that’s currently on the run for eluding his child support payments. I don’t know how y’all do this day in & day out but to each his own I guess & before I forget, this is for that one nigga that disliked my blog last week you’re a bastard child with no goals in life and I hope you never find true happiness as long as there is an ounce of breath in your body. So with that said let us begin… Actually wait, before I even start this, first and foremost, fuck all you niggas. Why? Because while everyone’s thoroughly enjoying life I’m over here eating chicken flavored Ramen Noodles & drinking a bottle of warm Stop & Shop branded water in the dark. This is the epitome of a pure struggle, off of this one meal alone I could become a successful rapper with plenty of hardship to rhyme about. But enough about me, let’s get into today’s topic, wack tweeters.

I’m sick you people, every last one of you disgust me. I wish for every last one of y’all to die a slow & painful twitter death. If Twitter for iPhone wasn’t so trash, I would’ve muted half of you filthy niggas a while back. Don’t feed me the “it’s my Twitter so I could tweet whatever I want” bullshit either. We know you could, it’s basically your God given right but guess what? We still don’t give a fuck; it’s OUR timeline so we still have to deal with this shit. Don’t nobody give a fuck that you’re about to hop in the shower or how accurate your Horoscope is today and we especially don’t give two shits about the moistureless ass nigga that slithered his way into your DM’s & “tried to bag” but failed woefully. By the way, if you don’t Twitpic it, it never happened.

And I can’t forget about you un-original “inspirational” tweeters either. How are you gonna go on Google, search for “mind-stimulating quotes”, then go to the last page so you can copy & paste shit discreetly, like everything’s all good. What you thought we didn’t know? Nigga, we’re on to you. Don’t forget we actually know some of you people in real life & you are NOT nor will you ever be capable of thinking, never mind actually conveying your thoughts in a proper sentence. So don’t come on Twitter expecting niggas to believe you have an IQ of 162 when in reality you’re no smarter than a newborn duck.

But while I’m here I would like to give a quick shout out to #TeamFollowBack ……………………. Nah I lied. Y’all get NO love. People that willingly participate in #TeamFollowBack activities are the greatest scums of all time. They can’t be trusted AT ALL; these are the same people that will deliberately skip brushing their teeth in the morning & yet have the audacity to start a full-fledged face-to-face conversation with you. Pure vagabonds. You don’t deserve these internets, so stop crawling your way up my mentions talking about “follow back :p” NO NIGGA! You will get nothing but belittlement and a one way trip to Spam City from this guy.

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying I’m the best tweeter in the world, far from it actually but what I’m saying is … Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore, so I guess that’s my cue. I’m out.

Slander Gang Production Presents – Twitter 101: Spellcheck Is Your Best Friend

I’m New To This Whole Blog Thing, So Don’t Crucify Me Just Yet. I’m Just A Regular Nigga That Wears Leather Jackets Trying To Be Great In This Cold World. Speaking Of That Make Sure Y’all Grab “Cole World: The Sideline Story” which drops tomorrow on The 27^th, You Won’t Be Disappointed I Promise But Anyways, Let’s Get Into This.

Why Do People Get So Offended When You Correct Their Tweets? Shit Makes Absolutely No Sense To Me. We’re Only Trying To Better You And Slightly Embarrass You In The Same Process But You Have To Look At The Bigger Picture Here, We Can’t Have You Going Into The Real World Talking About “He Ways Close To 200 And I’m A Measly 120” Like Come On? Mind You That Came From A Future Med School Student, Lord Help Us All, Especially Her Future Patients. Then We Got People Being Sued Over “Deformation” Of Character, The “Kneck” Giving Heauxs Catching “Klemedia”, And We Can’t Forget About The People “Illusionating” On A Regular Basis. . . Really? So We’re Just Making Up Words Now? That’s We Do On Twitter, Right? Do You Niggas Just NOT Believe In Spellcheck At All? Or Is It Against Your Religion, I Need Answers, The People Need To Know Because This Is A Serious Matter On Our Hands.

Then We Got The Bastards That Will Blame Auto-Correct For EVERYTHING, That’s When You Hit Them With The Blank Stare Like “Nigga We Don’t Believe You, You Need More People.” I Once Witnessed Someone Articulate A Sentence Talking About “Apple ‘Are’ Playing My Favorite Song Right Now” & Had The Audacity For Her Follow-Up Tweet To Be “Stupid Auto-Correct, Fuck You Apple.” My Only Question Is Where Is Your Shame? Smh.

But The Worst Of The Worst Is The People That Deliberately Replace “I’m” For “Am”. You Guys Are Sick, I Swear To God. I Don’t Think Anybody Understands The Amount Of Frustration That Gets Embedded Inside My Head When My Eyes Have To Read This Terrorism Act On The English Language. You Don’t Care About Life Or The Well-Being Of Others If You Do This Your Life Is Equivalent To Shyne’s Verse On “Tha Carter IV (Outro)”. . .Worthless Scumbags. How Are You Going To Log Onto Twitter In America And Start Speaking Broken English? WHERE IS YOUR HOME TRAINING?!

We Have To Do Better People, What Would Your Parents Do If They Seen You Writing Like This? Or Better Yet Your Teachers? I Don’t Even Blame The School Systems Anymore, You Niggas Is Just Pure Idiots, Word To Babawale. And Don’t Even Feed Me The “It’s Just Twitter” Logic. Fuck Outta Here, Twitter’s Innocent Don’t Blame Them For You Being Feeble-Minded But Whatever, Like My Mom Always Says, We’re All Equally Born But Not Equally Ta…” You Know What Never Mind, Let Me Just Get Outta Here And Do What I Do Best. *Starts Lurking On Twitter*