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Guest Blog: “Did He Just Tweet That?” by @SholaBoyTellEm

Why do you have a Twitter again?

I’m gonna try this whole typing like a normal human being for this week’s blog to see what it’s like on the other side. I’m only two sentences in and I already feel like a dead beat father that’s currently on the run for eluding his child support payments. I don’t know how y’all do this day in & day out but to each his own I guess & before I forget, this is for that one nigga that disliked my blog last week you’re a bastard child with no goals in life and I hope you never find true happiness as long as there is an ounce of breath in your body. So with that said let us begin… Actually wait, before I even start this, first and foremost, fuck all you niggas. Why? Because while everyone’s thoroughly enjoying life I’m over here eating chicken flavored Ramen Noodles & drinking a bottle of warm Stop & Shop branded water in the dark. This is the epitome of a pure struggle, off of this one meal alone I could become a successful rapper with plenty of hardship to rhyme about. But enough about me, let’s get into today’s topic, wack tweeters.

I’m sick you people, every last one of you disgust me. I wish for every last one of y’all to die a slow & painful twitter death.  If Twitter for iPhone wasn’t so trash, I would’ve muted half of you filthy niggas a while back. Don’t feed me the “it’s my Twitter so I could tweet whatever I want” bullshit either. We know you could, it’s basically your God given right but guess what? We still don’t give a fuck; it’s OUR timeline so we still have to deal with this shit. Don’t nobody give a fuck that you’re about to hop in the shower or how accurate your Horoscope is today and we especially don’t give two shits about the moistureless ass nigga that slithered his way into your DM’s & “tried to bag” but failed woefully. By the way, if you don’t Twitpic it, it never happened.

And I can’t forget about you un-original “inspirational” tweeters either. How are you gonna go on Google, search for “mind-stimulating quotes”, then go to the last page so you can copy & paste shit discreetly, like everything’s all good. What you thought we didn’t know? Nigga, we’re on to you. Don’t forget we actually know some of you people in real life & you are NOT nor will you ever be capable of thinking, never mind actually conveying your thoughts in a proper sentence. So don’t come on Twitter expecting niggas to believe you have an IQ of 162 when in reality you’re no smarter than a newborn duck.

But while I’m here I would like to give a quick shout out to #TeamFollowBack ……………………. Nah I lied. Y’all get NO love. People that willingly participate in #TeamFollowBack activities are the greatest scums of all time. They can’t be trusted AT ALL; these are the same people that will deliberately skip brushing their teeth in the morning & yet have the audacity to start a full-fledged face-to-face conversation with you. Pure vagabonds. You don’t deserve these internets, so stop crawling your way up my mentions talking about “follow back :p” NO NIGGA! You will get nothing but belittlement and a one way trip to Spam City from this guy.

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying I’m the best tweeter in the world, far from it actually but what I’m saying is … Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore, so I guess that’s my cue. I’m out.

3 thoughts on “Guest Blog: “Did He Just Tweet That?” by @SholaBoyTellEm”

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